


World Turned Upside Down

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Character Death, Death, Heart Transplant, M/M, Medical Procedures, Reader-Insert, heart surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 13:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12683271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	World Turned Upside Down

Tetralogy of Fallot. 

Four related heart defects that change the way blood flows to the lungs and through the heart. Just into the first month of Y/N’s life, he’d needed a heart transplant to combat the ventricular septal defect, pulmonary stenosis, right ventricular hypertrophy, and overriding aorta that were combating his little heart. Thankfully, he’d gotten a heart that had last him an astounding 35 years, when heart transplants tended to last 20 to 22 years, but now he needed another one.

“I’m so nervous. I hate this. I don’t want you to go in,” Spencer said. His eyes started tearing up. After six months of being on the waiting list for a new heart, Y/N finally got the call. It was both a relief and a new source of anxiety. “Heart transplants have a very high success rate, but it’s not perfect.”

Y/N turned into Spencer, teasing him for his lack of specificity. “You mean you don’t know the exact percentage?”

“It’s 85 to 90 percent,” Spencer said, coasting his hands up Y/N’s spine. “I just didn’t think I should say exactly because it would make you feel worse. I don’t want to scare you.”

Spencer meant well. “I needed one of these during my first month of life. I know everything there is to know about heart transplants,” Y/N replied, his voice heavy with anticipation. “I know the odds. We just need to hope for the best. The surgery is in seven days.”

—-

After they learned that Y/N’s surgery would be in a matter of days, Spencer decided to take off of work for a while. He wanted to be with Y/N every step of the way. “Surgery’s tomorrow. What are we going to do today?” Y/N asked.

“It’s your choice,” Spencer laughed. “You’re the one who’s having a heart transplant in the morning.”

Some people would say to go out and do those things you’d always wanted but never had the chance to. Although the chances of success were high, there was a chance there would be a complication, and if anything did happen, the thing he’d miss most was just cuddling up with Spencer on the couch. “How about we cuddle and watch movies?”

“I think I can get behind that.”

Both got changed into comfortable pajamas and got settled on the couch with a shared favorite movie - Alien. “Can we watch Toy Story after this?” Y/N asked. Smiling, Spencer nodded. His boyfriend was an eternal child. 

“Absolutely. A classic.”

Alien got started, and as per usual, Spencer got scared at all the creepy parts and practically jumped into Y/N’s lap. Cuddling up with him and running his hands through his hair was just about the best thing in the world right now; good thing Spencer was such a fraidy cat. 

In the lull between movies, they got a little bit to eat. Spencer ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the sly so as to not make Y/N jealous; he had a heart healthy diet to get ready for this surgery, and it consisted of vegetables, fruits and broth-based soups. God, how he wanted some doritos. “Toy Story now,” he laughed.

As Y/N dreamed of doritos, they started to movie; it still brought a smile to his face even though he’d watched it a million times. “It wasn’t a million times,” Spencer said matter-of-factly. “Even if you watched it day and day out months it wouldn’t be a million times, and you have to account for work and eating and showering and sleeping.”

“I love you, Spence.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t being literal.”

“Oh,” he said as a yawn escaped him. “I’m getting sleepy.”

“Me too. Nap?”

Spencer nodded and allowed himself to be gathered to Y/N’s chest. When he closed his eyes, he closed everything else out except the sound of his boyfriend’s heartbeat. Some people took advantage of being able to listen to their loved one’s heart beating, but Spencer couldn’t. Beat after beat lulled him off to sleep - a beautiful and comforting soundtrack to a blissful dream, where he and Y/N were happy and thriving post-surgery, with a child or two to complete the family they so wanted.

—-

“I love you,” Y/N said as he got called back for surgery. “I’ll see you later.”

Spencer gave his boyfriend’s hand one last squeeze; he memorized the feel of his skin, soft as a baby’s. “I love you.”

Now he had to wait anywhere from four to six hours for the surgery, plus about another hour or two pre-surgery.

First, he would go under general anesthesia. Once in surgery, he would be cut open by the breastbone. His heart would literally leave his body as a heart-lung bypass machine took over the reigns, pumping oxygen rich blood into his system to keep him alive. For a while, he would be suspended in a figurative limbo, his body being kept alive on a machine while another heart was prepped to take over blood-pumping duties for what would hopefully be the next 50 years. 

The odds were in their favor. Now, he just had to wait.

—-

It had been six hours.

As he looked down at himself on the table, he knew he wasn’t going to make it. His body was getting weaker by the second. For some reason, he wasn’t scared. Maybe it was because his consciousness wasn’t in his body right now. He wasn’t scared for himself, but he was sad for Spencer. The man he loved had no idea that he was on his way out of this world.

The body below grew weaker and weaker.

Looking over, he saw Spencer growing increasingly more nervous as the minutes wore on. All of a sudden, he felt a disconnect, a breaking off feeling that turned his gaze back toward his body; the machine had flatlined. 

“Spencer,” he whispered. “I love you.”

These last days had been some of the best of his life. He had no idea where he would be, and where this piece of him would go in the days to come, but as long as he could maintain thought, he’d be thinking about his boyfriend’s head lying peacefully on his chest.

—-

A whisper floated into his ear and woke him.

“Spencer…”

“Spencer Reid?”

“Yes?”

The doctor came over, his face drawn.

Spencer could feel his heart begin to race, his lungs tightening to an unbearable degree. “How is Y/N?” He asked, panicked at the doctor’s lack of words.

“Dr. Reid, I’m terribly sorry, but there was a complication.”

“What do you mean a complication?” Spencer asked. The tears welled up in his eyes. “Heart transplants are fairly routine. They have an 85 to 90 percent success rate. What happened? Is he okay? Can I see him?” He went to push past the doctor and nurses to find Y/N, but the doctor held him back. “Spencer, I’m sorry, but…Y/N didn’t make it. There was some bleeding that we couldn’t stop. He lost too much.”

No.

No.

Y/N was supposed to come home. They were supposed to adopt a couple of children and be a family. It’s what they’d always wanted. “No, that can’t be,” he insisted, the tears falling from his eyes and onto the floor. “Y/N is strong. He has to be okay.”

The nurses and even the doctor started crying. Y/N was a perfect candidate for a heart transplant. He didn’t smoke. He was a healthy weight. He had no other complications - exercised regularly. It was a freak mishap. 

As he finally let what they said sink in, he collapsed backwards, sobbing into his hands as the happy life they were supposed to lead was washed away. Instead of a bassinet for a new baby, he would be purchasing a casket. “No!” He screamed over and over again until his throat was raw. 

“I’m so sorry, Dr. Reid,” the surgeon replied. “When you’re ready, you can see him in the back.” 

This wasn’t happening. He had to be living in a bad dream. He even tried to pinch himself to wake up, but nothing worked. Nothing. All he could feel was the sting of his skin and the burning of tears as sound left the room, leaving him alone with his own thoughts.

—-

When Spencer walked into the back, he saw Y/N, face pale and eyes closed. “Baby, I’m here.”

He walked over to the man he loved, silently praying he was wrong - this was a dream - and he would open his eyes, show him his scar (he always loved to show the first one off) and they would go home. “It’s Spencer.”

The doctor left him to be with Y/N for a moment alone. His skin was cool to the touch, heated up for barely a moment when a tear fell onto his hand. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

A warm breeze that came seemingly from nowhere danced across the room. “Y/N?”

Never before had be believed in ghosts or spirits, but he could’ve sworn that Y/N was here. 

Again the breeze washed over him. 

“I love you. I’m sorry.”

“I love you too!” He sobbed, his head falling into the cold, smooth hands he was holding. 

They were never going to get the family they always wanted. Spencer was never going to fall asleep on Y/N’s chest again. And he’d never be able to see the utter joy on Y/N’s face when he watched Toy Story. “Don’t be sorry,” Spencer heard him say. He was convinced Y/N was talking to him. “Mourn me and move on…please…I want you to be happy.”

“How am I supposed to do that without you?” He cried. “What about everything we planned?” The thought of being happy was so foreign to him right now.

“You can still have that…when you’re ready.”

Y/N always was one to look on the bright side. Spencer could practically hear him chuckle.

With each breath came a warm brush of air. For what seemed like hours, Spencer sat at Y/N’s side, grasping onto his hands with no intentions of letting go. He took in the sounds, the ones he believed to be Y/N, until he’d cried his eyes out.

All tears had left him, or so he thought.

When he finally got up to leave, to where and to do what he had know idea, he felt his chest tighten again. “I love you,” Spencer said out loud. “I will love you until the end of my days. I swear it.”

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” - Jack Lemmon.


End file.
